you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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