I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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