is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
