I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
