if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
