i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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