Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
