Just cropdusted the office
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
