I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
