please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
