I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
