just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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