My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
