I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
