i was born a porn star she said
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
