drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
