OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
