we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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