you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
