i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
