tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
