For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
