No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
