fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
