We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
