Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
