OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
