i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
