listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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