I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
