I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we should paint friendship bongs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
