Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
