East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
