Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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