sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
