I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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