Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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