Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
