It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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