hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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