Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
