I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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