i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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