Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
