there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
