Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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