I think i sorta joined a cult last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
