Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
