im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm always down for nudity.
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