im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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