I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
